Jealousy's a blessing
by Cats070911
Summary: Barbara struggles after the Thompson case. Will a new partner be the answer?


**Author's note:** all usual disclaimers apply. A quick piece of fluff written in the midnight sun off the coast of Greenland last week. Still on holidays, back in September.

* * *

After the Thompson case, Detective Sergeant Havers struggled with everything. Even buying groceries had become a chore. She rarely ate more than the occasional meal, mostly at the insistence of her boss, Tommy Lynley, and had lost several kilos.

"Barbara, I'm worried about you," he said one night when he had cajoled her into going to the pub with him. "You can't keep blaming yourself."

She shook her head. "I've lost my edge."

"No, you've just convinced yourself that you have."

"It's not working anymore is it? I've become a burden. I'm holding you back."

"You're not."

She knew he was lying. "I know, Sir. I know you turned down the Acting Superintendent role."

"I wasn't interested in pushing a desk."

"And you never told me you had been promoted to DCI."

"I'm sorry. It was never a secret, but you weren't in a good place emotionally and I didn't want you to feel… pressured."

"You have to live your own life, Sir. What we had… it's over. No more DI Lynley and Sergeant Havers. We were a good team but everything ends. Don't make it worse by clinging on."

Barbara felt tears begin to form. She was not going to cry in front of him. Her teariness was a new manifestation of whatever was bothering her and it annoyed her. She hated being weak, but worse, she hated displaying it. Being duped by Tanya Thompson was only an excuse; the catalyst to expose her flaws. She was tired of pretending she was strong, and tired of hiding her true feelings for her boss. She knew her love would never be returned, at least not in the way she increasingly needed.

"Good night, Sir."

"Barbara? Wait!"

After grabbing her bag, she fled the pub knowing Tommy had to pay before he could follow. For once the London public transport system was on time. She hopped on her bus just as Tommy came through the door. Their eyes locked briefly as the bus drove past. She could see the hurt and anger in his eyes.

The next day neither if them mentioned their conversation, but his attitude had shifted. She knew he was angry, but all day they remained professional and courteous.

"Barbara?" he said at the end of their shift.

"Yes, Sir."

"I thought about what you said. I've decided to take the Acting Super role. A break might do us good."

Even though she had pushed him into it, she was devastated to hear his decision. "Yeah. Good. You deserve it." She dared not say anything more.

* * *

Barbara was partnered with a newly promoted DI, Greg 0'Brien, on the fast-track programme. He was only thirty-four and although he had a degree in criminal psychology from one of the red brick universities in the Midlands, he had virtually no experience of real criminals. Barbara understood Tommy had had a hand in the assignment. He wanted her to regain her mojo by knocking the raw edges off her DI. She appreciated the gesture but did not want to babysit another arrogant, bossy fast-tracker.

"Morning, Sir," she said gruffly to O'Brien on their first day together.

"Good morning, Sergeant Havers. I thought we could start with a chat in my office."

 _Here it comes._ "Sure."

Greg ushered her into Tommy's old office. It still had his scent and Barbara sighed and instantly regretted pushing him into taking his promotion.

"Look, I won't beat around the bush, Sergeant. I know you were part of the most successful team in the Met's history and it must be hard for you to work with a greenhorn like me. I'm not Tommy Lynley, and if I become half as good as him, I'll be delighted. I have no intention of trying to replace him or of pretending I know more about crime solving than you. I want to learn from you, Barbara. May I call you Barbara? I hate calling people by their last name as if they're in service. My family worked hard to get away from being someone else's toady. I'm not going to start putting others down."

"That's fine, Sir."

"And it's Greg, at least when we're not in front of the bosses. I insist."

Greg was clearly one of her lot. His education could not disguise an accent from the Birmingham Council estates. Barbara was pleased her assumptions seemed wrong. "Okay, Greg."

* * *

Tommy stood at his window and watched Barbara and Greg get into his car. They were laughing. In the two weeks since they had been partners, Barbara had regained a lot of her old spirit. He knew she was eating again and had regained a few pounds. She looked happy.

He raked his fingers slowly through his hair. His stomach knotted with fear that he had lost her. Tommy had been convinced that time apart would make Barbara realise how much they needed each other. Now he was faced with a reality that maybe she did not need him after all. Surely she could not have fallen for a boy like Greg, but Tommy knew his background. Greg was a man Barbara probably related to easily. It might be easy for her to talk to him. Maybe Greg was exactly who she needed right now, not him. He clenched his fists and sighed.

Three days later, Tommy saw Barbara in the lift. "Have you been avoiding me?" he said as jokingly as he could manage.

Barbara looked guilty. "Not exactly. Just breaking Greg… DI O'Brien in. You know what it's like."

Tommy smiled tightly when he heard her call O'Brien by his christian name. "Mmm."

"How's the new job?"

"Frustrating."

Barbara smiled hollowly at him. "Yeah, I can understand that."

"If you're not busy after work maybe we could go to the pub?"

"Tonight?" Tommy knew she was stalling. He almost expected her to say she had to wash her hair. "Sorry. I've already agreed to eat with someone."

"O'Brien I suppose? Isn't he a bit young for you?"

The lift stopped on their old floor and when the doors opened O'Brien was standing there. He smiled at Barbara and nodded to Tommy. Barbara stepped out, but not before giving her old partner a deathly stare. "Have a nice day, Sir," she said with the sincerity of a fast food chain waitress.

As the doors closed Tommy slammed his fist into the side wall.

* * *

Barbara missed Tommy terribly. Greg was a good partner who listened to her opinion, but it was not the same. There was no spark, no magic. Tommy had always made her feel valued, not just as a partner and copper, but as almost a soulmate. It was different with Greg, even though she liked him.

Her self-imposed exile was torturous but it hurt more to be with Tommy and unable to channel her feelings appropriately. When he had asked her out the other day, she knew he was asking only as a friend. She wanted to accept but was afraid if she left him in, she would want more, and more.

"You miss him, don't you?"

"Who?" Barbara shifted her weight in the passenger seat of Greg's car.

"The Super."

"No."

Greg laughed. "Barbara, don't ever play poker. You're a terrible liar. Does he know?"

"What?"

"That you're in love with him."

Barbara felt her face burn. "Sir! You can't say something like that."

"Ah, so it is true. Hit a raw nerve did I? It's okay. I won't say anything."

"It's not what you think."

"Isn't it? You two worked together for ten years. You can't do that if you're not fond of each other. You're both unattached and closer than most married couples. A lot of people think you've been an item since he returned to work. Almost everyone thought he took the promotion so you two could finally get together officially without breaking any rules."

"Almost everyone?"

"Well, Nkata and most of the other constables. They all joke that you are the only two in the building who don't know that you're in love. Or keep your affair well hidden."

"We are not having an affair." Barbara felt as if her face was embedded with burning magnesium. "I'll tear Winston apart with my bare hands."

"No, you won't, because you know it's true. I may not know a lot about criminals, but I do know psychology, and you clearly love Lynley. I saw the look on his face the other morning. In case you've failed to notice, he's hopelessly in love with you too."

Barbara remembered Tommy's quip about Greg and half-smiled. "He's always like that. Don't mistake possessiveness for anything more."

"And don't mistake it for anything less. You have to talk to him, Barbara. Tell him you feel the same way."

"I don't know what he feels," she confessed. "He gives mixed signals. Besides, he's too far out of my league. It'd burn out and leave me with nothing."

"And what do you have now? You avoid him like he's got the pox."

"No, I don't."

"Okay, as if he has the plague then. Is that more accurate?"

"Ha bloody ha."

"Have you ever seen fireworks?"

"Yeah, of course."

"You enjoy it at the time and then have good memories. Maybe that'll be you and the Super, but maybe it won't. Maybe your fireworks will last a lifetime. But if not, surely going to the show is better than missing it altogether."

Barbara chewed on her bottom lip. "I don't know how to buy a ticket."

* * *

Greg walked into the squad room and grinned at Barbara. "My office?"

Barbara followed him. "What's up?"

"Nothing. I was discussing your dilemma about the Super with my girlfriend last night. She had an idea that might work."

"Look, Greg, thanks for the thought but…"

"Just hear me out. He's clearly a jealous man, so you make him so jealous he reveals his hand."

"No! Tom… he's not like that. He'll just sit and stew." She did not add that if he did have those feelings for her, he would probably sit at home drinking far too many whiskies.

"That's where I come in. I'll make sure he understands."

"No."

"Will you at least listen to my plan?"

Curious, she nodded. "This doesn't mean I agree."

* * *

Barbara looked across at Greg's girlfriend, Georgia. "This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever let myself be talked into!"

"Relax, Barbara. What's the worst that could happen? You might meet someone and have a raunchy weekend together. You did buy condoms, didn't you?"

"No. I have no intention of sleeping with anyone."

"Exactly. There's far more fun to be had in bed than sleeping. Here I bought you some. Take them."

"Alright, but just to make it clear, I don't want to have sex with anyone."

"Except your Lord Whatever-his-name-is."

Barbara blushed heavily. "Georgia!"

"Oh, piffle. Stop pretending you aren't human. Of course you want to shag the bloke, even if you are happy to have a meaningful conversation afterwards. Being in love doesn't mean it has to be holier than thou. You are allowed to fancy the hell out of him. My advice is to shag him senseless. I gather it is long overdue."

"I won't get the chance. He won't come charging down here and whisk me away."

"He might surprise you."

* * *

"Excuse me, Sir," Greg said as he knocked on Tommy's door.

"Yes, O'Brien," he responded curtly. Tommy was not in the mood for the ever-smiling man who was stealing Barbara from him.

Greg asked a routine question about procedure then added, "of course normally I would ask Barbara, but she has left for her weekend away."

"Weekend away?"

"Yes, my girlfriend, Georgia, has taken her on one of those three-day cruises to nowhere."

"Your girlfriend?" A surge of relief engulfed Tommy, quickly followed by a wave of fear.

Greg tried not to smile. Lynley was nibbling nicely at the bait. "Those cruises are notorious meat markets, but if anyone needs it, it's Barbara."

"O'Brien, really!"

"Sorry, but by hook or by crook, Georgia will get her laid."

"O'Brien," Tommy growled a warning at the DI. He would not tolerate Barbara being disrespected this way.

"You understand, Sir. Barbara is so lonely, it will do her good."

Tommy frowned. "Why is Barbara lonely?" He did not add 'she always has me.'

"She's pining for some bloke that is apparently totally unaware that she loves him. For a long time she thought he felt the same way, but he never took it further. Pity really, she is a great woman."

"She is."

"Well, thanks, Sir. I better get going."

"Right," Tommy looked back down at his computer. "What ship are they on?" he asked offhandedly.

* * *

When O'Brien left his office Tommy locked his door and made some phone calls. Booking a suite on the ship at short notice cost him a small fortune, but not as much as the helicopter charter to get him to Portsmouth on time.

Denton met him at the city helipad with a small case, his passport and a suit bag. "Thank you, Denton. Sorry about this."

"My pleasure, M'Lord. Just make sure you tell her quite clearly that you love her. Miss Havers needs more than your usual oblique hints."

Tommy's ears turned red. For his long-suffering valet to speak so bluntly, he knew he had been a fool. It seemed everyone was waiting for him to act. "Thank you, Denton, I will."

* * *

Greg left immediately after meeting with Tommy. He drove quickly and made it with an hour to spare.

"Well?" Georgia asked as they dressed.

"I heard him phone someone and enquire about a suite. If he left straight away he should make it."

"I hope so. Barbara deserves to be happy." She stopped when she heard a helicopter. Peering out of her porthole, she saw a tall man stoop and run under the slowing rotors. "I can't believe that people have so much money. Some bloke just arrived on a chopper."

* * *

Barbara paced her small inside cabin. Three steps, turn, three steps. "How the hell did I get talked into this?" she asked the mirror. A terrified woman in an emerald cocktail dress that cost far too much stared back at her.

Barbara's fear was that Tommy would not come. This seemed like a desperate ploy. When Greg had suggested it, she had laughed. Later she thought it might not hurt Tommy to know she was prepared to live her life without him and give him a chance to change her mind. But now that she was here she hoped Tommy would come, but was worried that he would not. She did not expect him to come, but she wanted him to be daring and race into her arms. However, faced with the reality that he would not, she was afraid of how she would react. She preferred to think that maybe he had feelings for her and did not know how to tell her rather than be faced with him not following her, and know she had been mistaken.

"I should never have agreed to this," she told the sad face in the mirror.

Unrequited love, someone had once told her was better than no love at all. They were wrong. This hurt more than never knowing what it was like to need someone so much and not have them need you too.

Her heart jumped when there was a knock on her door. Even though she knew it would be Greg and Georgia, she took a deep breath and hoped to open it to find Tommy standing there.

"Ready?" Georgia called.

Barbara closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Yeah, coming."

* * *

The Main Lounge was decorated with streamers and bunting. A huge WELCOME made from red, white and blue balloons hung from the roof. Waiters in gold waistcoats and colourful bowties wandered among the throng of passengers with trays of glasses filled with champagne or orange juice. Around twenty couples stood at the head of the room chatting above the low music from the three piece band in the corner. Closer to the door, several groups of men and women clustered nervously at the edges of the room sizing up potential matches. Barbara wondered if perhaps it would be easier to simply auction people.

She scanned the room with a professional eye. There were men in her age group and a few were watching her. She shivered at the thought. As her eyes finished their check of the room, her heart sank. Tommy was not in the room.

"He's not here," she said to Greg, not hiding her disappointment.

"Maybe he's still dressing."

Barbara fought the urge to run. Her failings and insecurities started to bubble to the surface. She turned to Georgia. "I think I'll go back to my cabin."

Georgia was not looking at her but stared towards the door. Barbara noticed eager female eyes also settling there. "Whoa, forget your bloke. You should set your sights on Mr Suave there. He'd make for a memorable weekend."

Barbara turned to look. A tall figure in an immaculately cut cashmere tuxedo was surrounded by a flotilla of woman swarming around him. His head was obscured by waving arms. Barbara was disgusted at the way the women pecked over him like seagulls at the beach. She turned and began to walk away.

"Barbara."

She stopped, but unable to trust her ears, she did not turn. Her heart pounded in her chest.

"Barbara, wait."

This time she turned. The flock of gulls noisily protested as Tommy stepped from them. He brushed a lock of hair from his eyes and shrugged his coat back into place across his shoulders. Barbara smiled. "Tommy, what are you doing here?"

"What I should have done a long time ago."

People between them moved aside as the powerful figure of Lord Asherton strode across the floor towards her. Barbara stood still, aware that two hundred eyes were watching the scene play out. Her neck and face flushed with colour but her eyes never moved from Tommy's. For once their silent conversation said nothing. It did not need to; they both understood.

When Tommy reached her, Barbara was expecting him to lean down and quietly suggest they go somewhere to talk. Instead, he swept her into his arms and kissed her far more savagely than she had ever thought possible. Everyone in the room was watching. Several men whistled and yelled helpful suggestions for upcoming activities. Barbara ignored them as her fingers tangled in his hair and locked his lips to hers.

She felt faint by the time he partially released her. "I've arranged dinner for us in my suite," Tommy said as if it were perfectly normal to storm into a room, kiss a woman and then whisk her away.

Barbara did not argue. She could barely breathe. Her heart felt as if it would explode. Suddenly years of repressed love surfaced. She grabbed him by the lapels and tugged his face back to hers. "I'm not hungry. Not for food."

"Champagne and chocolate perhaps?"

"Just you." Barbara could not wait any longer and kissed him hard.

* * *

Afraid that they would end up making love on the polished dance floor, Tommy gradually guided them to the door. "Do you have your cabin key?"

Barbara frowned then handed it to him. "Are you sharing with anyone?"

"No."

He beckoned a steward and handed him the key. "Please pack the contents of this cabin and have them brought up to Suite 702."

"Certainly, Sir."

Tommy took Barbara's hand as they walked to the lift. He waited impatiently until it arrived. Inside he could wait no longer. He kissed her again, pushing her up against the mirrored wall of the lift. She grabbed his belt under his jacket and pulled him closer. They both knew what would happen as soon as they reached his suite.

* * *

Barbara stood in her robe on the balcony cradling a glass of champagne while Tommy paid the steward who had unpacked her bag. She smiled as she noticed the steward carefully stepping over her discarded stockings before stooping to pick up her dress that lay next to Tommy's jacket. His tie had ended up thrown over a lamp and his trousers were on the small desk. She suppressed a giggle as Tommy hurriedly grabbed her lacy black bra that was hanging from the large screen TV. She had no idea where her matching knickers had ended up. Her face coloured as the steward carefully placed her unopened condom pack on the bedside table.

"That poor man," she said when Tommy joined her.

"I gave him a generous tip. More champagne?"

She nodded and watched as he poured two large glasses. "I've seen in movies where people throw their clothes everywhere. I never dreamt we would do it."

They clinked glasses. "I rather enjoyed the undue haste to undress each other. We should do it more often. And what followed. Next time, I will make love to you very, very slowly."

They exchanged a deep kiss. Barbara looked around. The balcony had a high wall on both sides that protected it from the next suite. She checked above. No one could see them. She undid her robe and let it slip onto the bleached timber deck. "Yes, please."

Tommy looked admiringly at her then let his robe puddle beside hers. He pulled her gently against him, then kissed her lovingly.

"I noticed you brought condoms. Do you want me to use them?"

"I think it's a bit late now, don't you?"

"I'm sorry. I should have thought about it earlier. Are you concerned?"

Barbara looked down. "Not really. Are you?"

Tommy lifted her chin so that she was looking at him. "Not at all. We should start our family soon, so if it happens this weekend, that would be perfect. If not, we can keep practicing."

"Our family?"

Tommy hugged her closer. "I assumed… if you don't want children, well…"

"I do, but…"

Tommy stroked her hair. "Mmm?"

"What are you saying, Tommy?"

He sank down on one knee. "Barbara, I want to spend my life with you. Will you marry me?"

"Tommy! What if…?"

He stood and eyed her suspiciously. "What if what?"

"What if you change your mind and this burns out?"

"Why would it?"

"Like fireworks. What if it is magnificent for a while then you realise I'm still me and you change your mind?"

"I won't."

"But you only came because you thought you might lose me."

"I don't understand your point."

"Would you have ever said anything if you didn't think I was coming here to shag some stranger?"

Tommy looked into the cabin at the condom pack. "You intended to do that?"

"No! Georgia insisted I take them. I wouldn't have found anyone. I wasn't interested in looking. This was all Greg and Georgia's idea to make you jealous."

"Barbara. I love you. I have been trying to tell you that for a long time. I just… didn't want to risk our friendship if you didn't feel the same way. I was waiting for you to say something."

"And I was waiting for you."

"This…" Tommy waved his hands around. "This was a catalyst but my feelings are real. I love you and I do want to marry you. I want a family with you. I want to grow old with you."

"Me too."

"So that's a yes?"

Barbara nodded. "Yes, but you can change your mind if you want to later. Only before we're married though."

"My vows will be final, I promise."

"Tommy?"

"Mmm?"

Barbara lay down on the double outdoor lounge and was pleased that the cushions were soft. "You said something about making love slowly."

Tommy grinned at her. "I did, didn't I?"

Barbara wrapped her arms around him as he lay beside her. "I do love you," she said before they began a slow but passionate kiss under twilight skies.

"I know. We've always known, we just... None of that matters now though does it?"

Barbara shook her head. "Tommy, shut up. Ooh! ...mmm."


End file.
